I should be a lawyer
Ever since I was young, I took a little time out of my day to figure out how I could get out of a speeding ticket. I usually take this time as I am careening through some winding back road seeing how far I can push my car or motorcycle. My favorite idea so far was one of my first, and is only my favorite because of how far fetched it is. What I would do see, is keep a bee in a special compartment on my car door that I would have fabricated. Now bear with me, and realize this is how my mind works. What I would do is if i get caught speeding, I would go a little faster and a little more erratic and then pull over. While I am doing this I let the angry bee out (see, I would be training the bee all this time to be mean). Well as soon as I pull over, I would jump out of the car (closing the door behind me as to not let the bee free) and run a few feet (so the cop doesn't think I was running away and shoot me). At this time, the officer will obviously be flustered and yell at you asking why I am doing this. He is angry, suspecting I am drunk or crazy, therefore he is in that aggressive mood. When I explain the story of a bee being in my car, and can prove it, we will both have a laugh and I would be on my merry way. If this sounds familiar, I got the idea from a movie and improved on it, but I won't tell you which one cause that’s how I roll.
Recently, and the reason I am writing this, is because I have come up with a much better excuse. One that just might work, and is a little more thought out, and true... I think. It starts by looking at my history of traffic infractions and realizing I have approximately 50 of them, no joke. You ask here, do you just not learn, and my whole driving life I say, obviously not. I have lost my license, paid more fines, and been to court more than some lawyers. Why? Well I figured it out. I have recently been diagnosed with Adult ADD, and I am taking medicine for it. It has helped tremendously with my focus at work and opened many opportunities for me. I think I have had this for a long time, and it is the reason I have struggled through school my whole life. ANYWAY, now that I take this medicine, I am finally able to read a book. I am reading a book called "Driven To Distraction: Recognizing and Coping with Attention Deficit Disorder from Childhood Through Adulthood", and I see that a common trait is constantly seeking for an adrenalin rush. I don’t have much time or money to get into skydiving, which I would love and is the ultimate adrenaline rush, so I get my fix by driving my motorcycle or car to the limit of it's capability.
Now, how am I going to tie this into getting pulled over you ask? Funny you should, because that is next.
When I get pulled over, this is how the conversation will go:
Officer: Son, do you know why I pulled you over?
Me: Oh for sure, I was totally going too fast.
Officer: Soooo, You KNOW you were going to fast, and still decided to break the law?
Me: Well, yes and no. I KNOW I was going to fast, but I did not break the law.
Officer: Excuse me son, but in the beautiful state of Georgia, doing 100 in a 65 IS breaking the law.
Me: Sir, I respect your opinion but I disagree.
Officer: How do you figure?
Me: Well I have a condition that has been diagnosed by a doctor, and is medicated to harness some of the issues but not all. See for my condition, there is no fix for an adrenalin rush. I am speeding because I cannot help it, due to this fact. I am currently in a class action law suit against 5 states that have issued me tickets in the past, to get my money back since it is all not my fault that I speed, it is a handicap. Welcome to the bleeding heart liberal/ Conservative, 21st century, sir. And just wait until Hillary Clinton is President, I will take my cases all the way to the top and win.
Guarenteed to get off a ticket. I mean I wouldnt say the end part about the court case and all, because it is not true and kinda stupid, but you get my point. There would be a lot of improv there too.
Whatcha think?
Recently, and the reason I am writing this, is because I have come up with a much better excuse. One that just might work, and is a little more thought out, and true... I think. It starts by looking at my history of traffic infractions and realizing I have approximately 50 of them, no joke. You ask here, do you just not learn, and my whole driving life I say, obviously not. I have lost my license, paid more fines, and been to court more than some lawyers. Why? Well I figured it out. I have recently been diagnosed with Adult ADD, and I am taking medicine for it. It has helped tremendously with my focus at work and opened many opportunities for me. I think I have had this for a long time, and it is the reason I have struggled through school my whole life. ANYWAY, now that I take this medicine, I am finally able to read a book. I am reading a book called "Driven To Distraction: Recognizing and Coping with Attention Deficit Disorder from Childhood Through Adulthood", and I see that a common trait is constantly seeking for an adrenalin rush. I don’t have much time or money to get into skydiving, which I would love and is the ultimate adrenaline rush, so I get my fix by driving my motorcycle or car to the limit of it's capability.
Now, how am I going to tie this into getting pulled over you ask? Funny you should, because that is next.
When I get pulled over, this is how the conversation will go:
Officer: Son, do you know why I pulled you over?
Me: Oh for sure, I was totally going too fast.
Officer: Soooo, You KNOW you were going to fast, and still decided to break the law?
Me: Well, yes and no. I KNOW I was going to fast, but I did not break the law.
Officer: Excuse me son, but in the beautiful state of Georgia, doing 100 in a 65 IS breaking the law.
Me: Sir, I respect your opinion but I disagree.
Officer: How do you figure?
Me: Well I have a condition that has been diagnosed by a doctor, and is medicated to harness some of the issues but not all. See for my condition, there is no fix for an adrenalin rush. I am speeding because I cannot help it, due to this fact. I am currently in a class action law suit against 5 states that have issued me tickets in the past, to get my money back since it is all not my fault that I speed, it is a handicap. Welcome to the bleeding heart liberal/ Conservative, 21st century, sir. And just wait until Hillary Clinton is President, I will take my cases all the way to the top and win.
Guarenteed to get off a ticket. I mean I wouldnt say the end part about the court case and all, because it is not true and kinda stupid, but you get my point. There would be a lot of improv there too.
Whatcha think?
posted by josh at 9:23 AM
1 comments
