My Australian story

I know it has been a while since I have blogged, and I apologize… no excuses. Buuuut, I have been traveling around a lot and not had much time between being accused of not co-operating with the Chinese government whilst in a room full of Chinese officials and one interpreter (which who knows if he was translating correctly) and trying to understand the Australian bush talk that evidently is some form of English.

I just smile and nod when someone comes up to me and says “Me mate at the pub first skulled a piss, then rooted a Shelia he just met, and got stuck right into it until is piss was low tide. I reckon the bloke was just dribbling shit or pissing on me back and telling me it’s raining but it turns out he sure put a lot on her ass. ”

Translation… I think… “My friend chugged a beer, then slept with a woman he just met, and got pretty hammered until the beer was gone. I figure the guy was just making up stories but it turns out he really did hook up with her” Now you can see how I have confusion as this is just the tip of the iceberg on how they communicate here.

Here is another great one. “So I asked this bird to show me her map of tazey, and she says ‘piece of piss, I’ll piss in your pocket and show you my front bum if you weren’t such a wanker.’ To which I replied ‘Too easy, it’s poets, I am on smoko, no need to be flat out like a lizard drinking. “Sure wisht I could have got some crumpet though.”

This one is better explained piece by piece. Map of Tazey is a woman’s private area as it has a resemblance to the map of Tasmania (look it up), and a bird is a woman, like Shelia from our previous example. She replies with piece of piss (easy), I’ll make you happy and show you my front bum (same thing as the map of Tazey) if you weren’t someone I didn’t like. The mans reply too easy (everything is good) it’s Piss Off Early Tomorrow’s Saturday and I am on a break, no need to get all excited. At the end there he wishes he could have gotten some though… crumpet, same as skirt… some action.

I don’t have any real funny stories though sorry, I have been working a lot and I did get one vacation last weekend where I went on a sailboat cruise and then snorkeled and scuba dived the Great Barrier Reef. I saw so many exotic fish that swim right up to me since they are used to people there. And I definitely want to get more involved with Scuba as it is very interesting to breathe underwater and see so much that can’t be done with snorkeling. So hopefully I will see most of you soon as I should be back in the states come Monday the 19^th. I had one hell of a bender on my vacation, so I am not drinking anymore… but I’m not drinking any less either. Piece out