YAY China
If there is one thing in life I DO NOT appreciate right now, it would be the beauty and elegance of the Chinese culture, specifically Inner Mongolia and the Gobi Desert. That is where I am for my 4th trip totaling 5 months in a place that I can not stand. But, someone needs to be here and take care of this $120,000,000 machine, so I take one for the team.
My day consists of waking up at 5:45, go for a run, go to work, go home, watch a movie (no English TV here), and go to bed by 10:00. Most of you who know me, this is not my preference of schedule. I need to be around people, do fun things, stay up late, and party on the weekends... yeah I do my work, but I need to play too. Not possible here, everyone is either Chinese or an asshole so I am stuck playing with myself (eww, get your mind out of the gutter). I tried to go to dinner with my Chinese friends, and of course I can't get into the conversation, BECAUSE IT'S IN CHINESE!
Anyway, enough bitching, I am now going to tell you what I do to have a little fun from time to time. There is the ever popular video watching on websites like break.com, entensity.net, liveleak.com, etc but that can only entertain for so long. I think I have reached the end of the internet, I really got a message on my computer that said that the other day... well, not really. So now I look for small things to amuse me. Par exemple, to get to and from the mine I have a driver with a jeep type truck type thing who is trying to learn English. This of course has limitless possibilities, like when he asks me about a word and I tell him it is something else, but even better is when he tries to translate his "engrish" music. A song came on the other day that some of you might know, "Short Dick Man" by 20 fingers (the remix). I am not making this up, it is a song from somewhere in the mid 90's I think, very stupid but has been remixed into various techno songs that the Chinese tend to love. Engulf yourself in this lyrical genius if you are not savvy, to keep up with the story... I'll wait
Ok, so of course the driver wants to know what is being said and asks the other two in the car who are my translators / Chinese counterparts. They say in the most broken English you can imagine, "Does she not rike sick man?" Hahaha, I'm like ooo kay, here it is... dick is penis, and the girl in the song does not want a guy who has a small penis. The whole car quiets for a moment as you and I know the Chinese are not known for being well endowed in this department. After some deep contemplation, and in an effort to break the uncomfortable silence the one Chinese guy goes, "but, Iny weeney?" Hahahaha, so I had to explain this also means small, and figured it was time to go through the rest of the song to enlighten them on some US culture. So you think it's over, nope, the next song that comes on is even more vulgar, and more descriptive that I almost could not explain it. But of course I did... the song you ask? My neck, my back (the dirty version) by a lovely lyricist named Khia. You can look that one up yourself if you want. I do not suggest it though as it is pretty bad, but you can get an idea of how difficult it was. SO, thank God the next song just kept repeating sunshiny day as I don't think they, or I, could handle any more sexual song explaining.
On to another interesting experience... Yesterday the driver had to go to the capitol city for a wedding, but has to leave the truck so we can drive to and from the machine in the mine. I am allowed to drive in the mine, but not on the streets through town if that gives you a little taste of how bad "the streets" are. A mine has 400 ton capacity dump trucks with tires that can roll over you without knowing it. Here is a picture of one in action. Here in China you take a class for about 10 minutes (in Chinese mind you) and you are good to go. Most mines take hours of classes and practice before they let you drive in a mine, which I have done quite a few times. So yesterday the driver did not get back in time, and I figured the best solution is that I drive us home. Everyone agreed that even though it is illegal, we can do it as law here is minimal to non existent. I have seen taxis pass police cars on a hill over a double yellow, passengers DO NOT have the right of way in any case, and if you come to a T in the road and are making a left you DO NOT stop, the person going straight does if he feels like it. Well I think I have had enough training in driving like an asshole, I am from NY and have obtained over 50 tickets for various infractions in the past 14 years in about 5 states. Like mentioned above, I have been here 5 months and seen the way they drive here, just itching to get behind the wheel. They drive like I do, and it's legal! So as you can imagine, I jumped on the opportunity. I didn't hold back one bit too, passed trucks over hills, drove as fast as the truck could go, and even passed a cop! I didn't stop at one intersection... no wait, that’s a lie. This morning I was driving back in to work and this man was walking his little girl to school. All dressed up in her school uniform with the pigtails and all. Well as I am approaching this intersection they aren't slowing down and are ending up right where I am about to be. A normal driver here in China would honk, the pedestrians would stop dead in their tracks and the driver would pass by. Well I made the rational decision and stopped for them, out of the kindness of my heart. As I stopped, the man looks up at me with a sneer on his face as if I just kicked his dog! He had stopped at this point, and slowly started walking again looking at me the whole time like as if I did something wrong. I know in his head he is thinking, "Damn round eye, need to rearn how to drive! Not supposed to be on da road anyway!" Well I made sure not to stop for anyone else on the way to work. Offensive driving, what I have been preaching for years! If everyone is on the defense, you need to have an offence... ying and yang, balanced universe and all. By the way, the cop never accepts that as an excuse either :(
My day consists of waking up at 5:45, go for a run, go to work, go home, watch a movie (no English TV here), and go to bed by 10:00. Most of you who know me, this is not my preference of schedule. I need to be around people, do fun things, stay up late, and party on the weekends... yeah I do my work, but I need to play too. Not possible here, everyone is either Chinese or an asshole so I am stuck playing with myself (eww, get your mind out of the gutter). I tried to go to dinner with my Chinese friends, and of course I can't get into the conversation, BECAUSE IT'S IN CHINESE!
Anyway, enough bitching, I am now going to tell you what I do to have a little fun from time to time. There is the ever popular video watching on websites like break.com, entensity.net, liveleak.com, etc but that can only entertain for so long. I think I have reached the end of the internet, I really got a message on my computer that said that the other day... well, not really. So now I look for small things to amuse me. Par exemple, to get to and from the mine I have a driver with a jeep type truck type thing who is trying to learn English. This of course has limitless possibilities, like when he asks me about a word and I tell him it is something else, but even better is when he tries to translate his "engrish" music. A song came on the other day that some of you might know, "Short Dick Man" by 20 fingers (the remix). I am not making this up, it is a song from somewhere in the mid 90's I think, very stupid but has been remixed into various techno songs that the Chinese tend to love. Engulf yourself in this lyrical genius if you are not savvy, to keep up with the story... I'll wait
Ok, so of course the driver wants to know what is being said and asks the other two in the car who are my translators / Chinese counterparts. They say in the most broken English you can imagine, "Does she not rike sick man?" Hahaha, I'm like ooo kay, here it is... dick is penis, and the girl in the song does not want a guy who has a small penis. The whole car quiets for a moment as you and I know the Chinese are not known for being well endowed in this department. After some deep contemplation, and in an effort to break the uncomfortable silence the one Chinese guy goes, "but, Iny weeney?" Hahahaha, so I had to explain this also means small, and figured it was time to go through the rest of the song to enlighten them on some US culture. So you think it's over, nope, the next song that comes on is even more vulgar, and more descriptive that I almost could not explain it. But of course I did... the song you ask? My neck, my back (the dirty version) by a lovely lyricist named Khia. You can look that one up yourself if you want. I do not suggest it though as it is pretty bad, but you can get an idea of how difficult it was. SO, thank God the next song just kept repeating sunshiny day as I don't think they, or I, could handle any more sexual song explaining.
On to another interesting experience... Yesterday the driver had to go to the capitol city for a wedding, but has to leave the truck so we can drive to and from the machine in the mine. I am allowed to drive in the mine, but not on the streets through town if that gives you a little taste of how bad "the streets" are. A mine has 400 ton capacity dump trucks with tires that can roll over you without knowing it. Here is a picture of one in action. Here in China you take a class for about 10 minutes (in Chinese mind you) and you are good to go. Most mines take hours of classes and practice before they let you drive in a mine, which I have done quite a few times. So yesterday the driver did not get back in time, and I figured the best solution is that I drive us home. Everyone agreed that even though it is illegal, we can do it as law here is minimal to non existent. I have seen taxis pass police cars on a hill over a double yellow, passengers DO NOT have the right of way in any case, and if you come to a T in the road and are making a left you DO NOT stop, the person going straight does if he feels like it. Well I think I have had enough training in driving like an asshole, I am from NY and have obtained over 50 tickets for various infractions in the past 14 years in about 5 states. Like mentioned above, I have been here 5 months and seen the way they drive here, just itching to get behind the wheel. They drive like I do, and it's legal! So as you can imagine, I jumped on the opportunity. I didn't hold back one bit too, passed trucks over hills, drove as fast as the truck could go, and even passed a cop! I didn't stop at one intersection... no wait, that’s a lie. This morning I was driving back in to work and this man was walking his little girl to school. All dressed up in her school uniform with the pigtails and all. Well as I am approaching this intersection they aren't slowing down and are ending up right where I am about to be. A normal driver here in China would honk, the pedestrians would stop dead in their tracks and the driver would pass by. Well I made the rational decision and stopped for them, out of the kindness of my heart. As I stopped, the man looks up at me with a sneer on his face as if I just kicked his dog! He had stopped at this point, and slowly started walking again looking at me the whole time like as if I did something wrong. I know in his head he is thinking, "Damn round eye, need to rearn how to drive! Not supposed to be on da road anyway!" Well I made sure not to stop for anyone else on the way to work. Offensive driving, what I have been preaching for years! If everyone is on the defense, you need to have an offence... ying and yang, balanced universe and all. By the way, the cop never accepts that as an excuse either :(
posted by josh at 12:57 AM
2 Comments:
I saw this You Tube video and thought of you...You should check it out "Tibet was, is and will always be part of China"
For some clarification, I thought of you and your experiences in China. The video suprisingly was sent around my place of work and is very offensive and portrays an extreme twisted perspective, yet I found it interesting...
Post a Comment
<< Home