H-E-Double hocky sticks

I think they got it all wrong. And by they, I mean the collective whole namedly... people. I take that back, only the people that believe in in hell. Huh? Yeah, hell baby. See, the hell I was taught to fear involved a lot of heat and fire and a devil that is "red and scaly with a bifurcated tail, and he carries a hay fork" - O brother... So this is where everyone has gone wrong because I have seen this hell, I even lived in it for three years. There was hot chicks everywhere and seemed to be a three year party. I call it Arizona. Well folks, I'm here to tell you what hell is. You know how they say (same they) "When hell freezes over, you can yadda, yadda, yadda!" Well tell them it is frozen over, it's been frozen over. I can stand the heat, it's the cold that's a bitch. Oh and the devil is a Chinese man. That's a whole nuther blog. I came to my abode today to discover the hot water is out. It is about -10 degrees C outside, the place is heated by hot water and I shower with hot water (crazy right?). So it must have just been turned on because I could get the "hot" water to flow just warm enough that I would dare it. By the time I realized it was a bad idea, it was too late... I was all soapy trying my best to get all my parts covered when it started getting colder. Oh boy, I love this place. So, here I am in a freezing cold hell hole surrounded by Chinese people, in less than luke warm water and I get this revelation. This IS hell. Common people, work with me here... whadaya think?
And now a few words from our sponsors:
I wrote this blog because I was told I write good (grammatical error on purpose), and that gave me the confidence, so thank you!
I wrote this last night, and am posting in the morning. After sleeping in 3 layers of clothes and two blankets, my Chinese counterpart tells me, "yesh, da woom is verwy cord. I just turn on da heata" There's a heater in the room?! Awesome! I am so dumb.