i dressed a dwarf

well i don't really know the politicaly correct word for a dwarf, and i don't like using the phrase "little people", so i am going to stick with dwarf. sorry if i offend any short people (lori) but i believe that dwarf is common enough. if you would like to learn more, go here.

now on to the story. i work out at golds gym, pretty much everyday, i put on my headphones, run a mile, and work out for about an hour and a half. i keep pretty much to myself except for talking to a few people from time to time, i just want to get my stuff done and go home.

well at the gym there is this man who holds something like 8 world records for weightlifting in his weight class. he weighs about 160 pounds and can lift like 500 something pounds. this is because he is about 4 foot tall, yes folks he is a dwarf. his process consists of putting all the weight on, walks around for about an hour, and lifts the weight about three times. granted, i would not be able to move this thing an inch, so i have much respect for him, but it is odd how he walks around getting pumped up for an hour!

now, while i listen to my music i observe everything that goes on, all the guys who hit on every girl and work out about two times in an hour... the girls who hang out with all their friends and do absolutly no work, as their fat asses take up a bench or machine. well I also watch this dwarf walk around and get pumped up. part of his process involves a point where he grabs two random people in the gym, and for some reason gets them into the locker room. next thing you know they all come out, he seems to have a unitard looking thing on, and they have looks on their face of either guilt, shame, almost defeated... who knows.

well i figure it is a matter of time until it is my turn. i dred the day he asks me to walk into the locker room with him, and i will no longer be a man. so there i am working out chest and tricepts one day, doing some dips on this one machine (not really a machine but more of a structure). i have about one more tricept exersice, and i am out of there. i see him walking around like a friggin hawk, waing to land on the first weak person who makes eye contact. i am well aware of the situation, so i look around for any type of tricep workout in the imediate area. sure enough, each one is being used. i frantically look from spot to spot, praying for someone to move. sure enough, no one does, and up he walks. i calmly take out my headphones bend down to hear what he is saying and i hear "i see you here all the time, you are a good guy, can you help me put my shirt on?" i respond with a "excuse me?" he says "i got this shirt that i can't put on myslef, i got another guy, and i need the two of you to help me." how can i say no to a little guy like that asking for my help, i just can't... i'm too nice.

well as i say yes, he signals the other guy to follow us in. this is it, i have mixed feeling about the whole situation, on one hand i have to put this guys shirt on like an idiot, but on the other hand, i have a great story to blog. we walk in and he says we need to shimmy this thing over his head, thru his arms and sinch it down his body. i know this sounds grossly homosexual, and it sure felt that way too. this shirt barely fits in his arms and over his head let alone his fat midsection (he only bench presses). i swear to you, it took both of us fifteen minutes to get this thing totally on. at one pont i have my foot on his back while i am pulling down to get this all to work.

finally we are done, all three of us sweating like three dudes trying to put a shirt on a dwarf. i walk out and i catch myself in the mirror, and shure as shit i look defeated. now i know what it is like to dress a dwarf